i think I've been complaining way too much but i have way too many thing weighing on me. I'm so cranky these day and now the exams are approaching, I'm feeling double the stress. submitted all the projects today and yes I'm relieved but i just think of all the shit yet to be studied and I'm all depressed and sensitive again.
was talking about some problems just now and how so many of my friends are facing issues regarding matters of the heart.
I mean, I've imagined all kinds of scenarios of how i will meet my prince charming and how he's gonna sweep me off the ground because he is just perfect guy. and i swear this whole "sweep me off the ground, stomach fluttering & sweaty palms" thoughts are just diminishing.
I'm coming to realise that fairy tales doesn't exist. no shit like everlasting love or perfect guy. maybe i should have long stop dreaming about something like that. the only stage that is sweet is when you are at the admiration stage. when nothing is concluded and you can always dream about what can happen and how my heart just pump faster each time I see him walking down the hallway/corridor.
I don't see marriage as a start of a new life. more like a full stop to all the romantic shit and what's left is commitment and responsibility to each other. There's the honeymoon period and after which there is the pressure to have kids and to satisfy your in-laws/continue the human race, then there is the non-stop worrying for your kids. i don't understand, just how much do you have to love someone to make such sacrifices for him and devote yourself to all these?
I think I'm way too afraid to love someone wholeheartly, im afraid of how my dream of a fairy tale story will shatter if he turns out to be not so perfect afterall. I'm afraid of uncertainty and I'm afraid of a heart-breaking experience. I'm afraid to find myself with a box of tissue crying my heart out for him. I'm too scared, that's my problem.
peipei
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